SimplyNumbers

Psychology Today: Helping Children Survive Divorce

From the article, by Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D.:

There has been a lot of research on the effects of parental conflict on children's development, including children of divorce. The results of that research are pretty clear: the more intense and ongoing parental conflict is, the more negative the effects on children -- emotionally and academically.  This is true whether or not parents divorce. In fact, much of this research has focused on parents who are not divorced.

Healing Family Issues With Ancestral Healing

Within our bodies, hearts and souls we may carry some of the unfinished issues from our ancestors. Your ancestors can be anyone in your family tree. You may be struggling unconsciously with unresolved issues from your parents lives, their parents, or others who came before them. You may also be struggling with larger issues related to the entire family. The regrets, tragedies, pain, and grief that they were unable to deal with may have been unintentionally passed down to you. Ancestral healing work involves finding ways to let go, and look for ways to heal, from these issues.

Psychologically speaking, you may be dealing with issues related to the Shadow, which can relate to familial issues that are forgotten, never addressed or kept hidden. Unfortunately, within many families particular patterns of abuse, such as anger, alcoholism, or deceit, may be passed down from generation to generation. However, the damage that these patterns create can be healed.

Of course, much of what has passed down to you can be valuable and desirable. Your parents, and other elders, may have instilled great qualities within you. It’s important to recognize this, and to have compassion for yourself and your family. Ancestral healing work is not about blaming, pointing fingers or stepping away from responsibility. It is about finding ways to release the hold limiting life patterns, passed down to you, may have on your life.

Simply consider some of the phrases that may have been repeated in your childhood, such as “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, “It’s dangerous out there”, “You’re eating us out of house and home”, “You’ve got to face reality” or “You’re not good enough.” You also may have your own particular phrases that left a sting, and that you still remember.

Numerologically, you can begin to address your familial issues by looking at your Core Numbers, but also the Family Name number. Your Family Name number can help to illustrate the personal patterns, general emotions, attitudes, moods, and personal characteristics that you share with your family. Being aware and conscious of your emotions and how you connect with and relate to your family can help you to mature and grow as an individual. Knowing how you act and feel is important, as is finding a way to develop compassion, acceptance, and tolerance for your parents, yourself and other members of your family.

In general, your Family Name number can be used to show how you deal with and relate to challenging situations around money, work and relationships. It also describes the drives and tasks that you, as a member of a particular family, will feel compelled to achieve in this lifetime. This is especially true if you have been given the first name of a parent or grandparent. It often falls to children to accomplish those dreams that a parent didn't or couldn't resolve. This number can help you to be more aware of the ways in which external family influences can shape our lives and drive us to succeed in our life challenges.

You may need to seek out a skilled therapist, and/or support group, to begin to address these issues within your life. They can give you the necessary support and guidance to believe in yourself, and the recognition that you can indeed heal and make new choices within your life. They will help you to build a support network for yourself, and you can then look to other tools, therapies and techniques, such as those mentioned here, to help you along your path.

You might also look to other modalities, such as Shamanism, to help process and release your unfinished familiar issues. From a shamanic perspective, the patterns, behaviors and traits that are common within the family can be seen as imprints. A shamanic practitioner could work with you to release these imprints and help you reconnect with parts of yourself that seem missing or lost.

To catch a better glimpse of your particular family patterns, you might look to see:

• Health issues occurring at a certain age in members of your family.
• Patterns of drug abuse, alcoholism or addiction within the family.
• Emotional patterns, such as codependency, within the family.
• Limiting beliefs within the family.
• Patterns of enablement within the family.
• Destructive issues that are never addressed or talked about within the family.

Those of us with these, or other debilitating patterns, may need to find a way to address healing them in order to more deeply enable personal healing. Our families help to shape us, and unless you are willing to challenge those patterns and beliefs that are self limiting, you'll hold them inside. It's up to you and me, to discover a way to release them, heal and begin to more deeply believe in ourselves.

In order to begin now to address your ancestral healing needs you might be to begin to look at whatever feels out of balance in your life. You can then bring the material that arises to your therapist, doctor or support group.

I can work with you by discussing other tools and techniques which may help you in your journey. Together, we can discuss your Family Name number and address how it might impact your life. We can also work with your Numerology chart to take better advantage of the challenges and opportunities that you desire to pursue, but perhaps felt unable to, until now.

Yes Magazine: Teaching children about death

Sharon Hayes, writing for Yes Magazine, has written a moving article on the issue of death and how to discuss it with children. She discusses how her family dealt with death as she was growing up. She writes, "I considered the grown-ups from my own childhood, who had prevented me from seeing my dying Aunt. Why would they have done that? I suspect they wanted me to remember her healthy. Maybe they didn’t want me to be frightened."

Many of us may have similar experiences to hers. I also have memories of missing the chance to say goodbye to my maternal grandmother. Like Sharon, I remember visiting the hospital, but not going to see my grandmother.

Sharon finishes the article by talking about how she wants her daughters to understand death, and she takes them to visit their grandfather who is dying. She explains that it's not easy process for her daughters, but that they will continue to visit their grandfather while they have the chance.

[Psychology Today] What Names Tell Us About Ourselves

Jefferson M. Fish, Ph.D has written an interesting series on the importance of naming for Psychology Today. He discusses some of the reasons for choosing a particular name in part 1. He then talks about potential cultural influences in choosing a name in part 2.

Fish discusses that the parents will have important reasons for choosing a name, but we may not know them if we are reviewing the information from a historical perspective. We may be able to see that they chose a name that was popular at the time, but they may have chosen a name that was related to their culture, family history or even historical figures. He mentions that he is named for Thomas Jefferson.

Fish does discuss the impact that a name can have on a person. He writes, "One can accept it or reject it, try to live up to it, rebel against it, modify it by using a nickname or preferring to use a middle name or initials instead, or take steps to change it legally. The name itself says something about the parents, but the way people react to and make use of their names says something about them."

Words Hurt

How to help your children cope with trauma

Dr. Charlotte Reznick is a child educational psychologist, and an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA. Dr. Reznick offers very important, yet inspirational and practical tools and techniques that you can easily use to help your children deal with trauma and difficult situations. She talks about techniques and methods for helping  your children deal with upset, anger and stress. She also talks about finding ways for helping your children to cope with the typical ups and downs of everyday living. She has written a popular book titled "The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success". 

Charlotte, has also written an article about helping children cope with the news and images coming from the recent earthquake in Japan. She encourages you to talk with your children and allow them to share their feelings. She mentions that they could work out their feelings by drawing. Most importantly, she talks about finding ways to reassure your child and helping them to feel more comfortable, and less stressed.