SimplyNumbers

Masculine and Feminine

Elizabeth Debold, Senior Editor at EnlightenNext, has written an excellent post on what the words "Masculine" and "Feminine" actually mean on personal, psychological and spiritual levels. During a conference breakout session she had participants come up with some alternate phrases. Some of the alternates that they came up with were: 'Yin and Yang', 'Active and Passive', 'Assertive and Receptive', 'Thinking and Feeling', 'Rational and Emotional'

Elizebeth's primary issue is that "Masculine" and "Feminine" don't necessarily describe one concrete or particular thing. And, they may bring up harmful stereotyped ideas and images, which may not be what you are trying to convey. And, the terms may not reflect the fact that everyone has emotional, spiritual and rational work to do for themselves. Just by saying that someone has "Feminine" qualities, does not mean that they are emotional experts.

She asks that we forgo the use of the terms, and find ways to genuinely reflect what we really want to convey to the world. What is it that you want to convey? What is it that you need to be understood about yourself and your topic?

To fully develop a deeper understanding of the gender based terms, and to try to find clearer phrases, you could look to reading about and working with Archetypes for assistance. The feminine archetype is generally associated with an abundant, creative force that is warm, caring and maternal. The Masculine archetype is generally associated with an stern, fatherly and protective force.

Carl Jung described the masculine and feminine through the Anima and Animus. Men will have an anima and women an animus. However, each sex may have the other side as well, as men can have a feminine side and women a masculine. Jung best described archetypes as being based on observations of repeating patterns of similar thought and action that appear over and over across cultures, and in the entire world.

"The primordial image, or archetype, is a figure--be it a daemon, a human being, or a process--that constantly recurs in the course of history and appears wherever creative fantasy is freely expressed. Essentially, therefore, it is a mythological figure. . . . In each of these images there is a little piece of human psychology and human fate, a remnant of the joys and sorrows that have been repeated countless times in our ancestral history. . . ."  ~ CG Jung, "On the Relation of Analytical Psychology to Poetry"

Unconscious use our language can lead to stereotyping, which can be abusive, dangerous and destructive. In order to consciously develop, heal and strengthen your relationships, perhaps you can reflect on the qualities that you are trying to talk about the next time you think about calling someone "masculine" or "feminine". Perhaps, you are trying to say that someone is "determined, thoughtful and individualistic" by calling him masculine. Yet, one term cannot possibly convey the entirety of this individual. Whatever you are trying to convey, you might use your curiosity as a key to unlock the mystery of this real person in front of you. Who are they? Are they really as gentle, caring or strong and powerful as you imagine? Don't you really want to know?

Introduction to Professor Mark Van Vugt

Professor Mark Van Vugt focuses his research primarily within the field of evolutionary psychology. He looks at the ways in which we, as humans, interact and relate to one another.

In his research he tries to answer questions like:

• How do groups organize themselves?
• How do the groups control the behaviors of the individuals?
• How do groups deal with large/small social issues?
• How do groups deal with those who don't pull their own weight?
• How do group members cooperate?
• How are leadership problems resolved?

One of his recent projects involved studying why men judge women based on their looks. According to the study, a woman who is attractive is somehow understood by men to be fertile, appealing to the man's survival instinct.

"Men definitely have the most wandering eye but it is because they have evolved to pay attention to cues of fertility and one of those cues is facial beauty – it's not that men are shallow. But we found they do make snap judgments about women, much earlier than was previously thought. They make that decision on whether a woman would be a good mating partner in milliseconds. " - Professor Van Vugt

Other projects of Professor Van Vugt involve studies in leadership, altruism, the differences that sex brings to social behavior and more. He has also written, and co-written, five books about society, cooperation and leadership.

It would be interesting to look at this research through the lens of the Archetypes. In Professor Van Vugt's research, what did the men see in the women? Did the archetypal qualities in the women trigger something primal within the men? Working with the archetype of the Seductress might bring to light some useful clues about what the men were drawn to, and what we ourselves are looking for in a partner.

The Seductress (or Seducer) is a strong sexual archetype. At a very basic level the seductress is trying to survive. Whether the seductress gets sex, money, power, or comfort it really doesn't matter. The core part of the archetype revolves around getting what is needed. There can be balanced, as well as unbalanced, aspects of the seductress. The balanced aspect of the seductress could relate to someone who is capable of being compassionate, empathetic, and truly caring.

Some key questions to ask about an "immediate" attraction might be:

• What is being triggered in me by this person?
• What do I believe about this person?
• Who does this person remind me of?
• What memories are stirred by this person?
• What movies, books or music does this person remind me of?

Getting along with siblings

"The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."  --- Erma Bombeck

Spending time with adult siblings can sometimes be problematic. Jane Isay, of Real Simple magazine, wrote a post about being closer to your siblings. The focus of the article is on leaving the past behind us. Many of us had childhood skirmishes, but Isay urges us to forget about the mind games that we played on each other, and find ways to get along together now. Her main points are as follows:

• Let what happened in childhood stay there
• Be a part of each others lives
• Let go of gossip / backstabbing
• Watch your language
• Don't typecast
• Find ways for frequent casual contact
• Don't be jealous of other sibling's relationships
• Get along with spouses
• Don't talk about politics

In order to get a better handle on the complexities of family relationships, especially if you are growing a family of your own, you may want to look into the research of someone like Judy Dunn. Dunn, specialized in sibling relationship studies. She published several books on family and sibling relationship issues that she explored through interviews with parents, her practice and ongoing research.

Another article in Psychology Today explores her work. Through her work she tried to find ways for parents to help children cope and deal with conflict and rivalry. Dunn found that even from the age of one year, siblings respond to disputes between their siblings. And, these children are affected by their mother's interaction with the other siblings.

"The message is that children are far more socially sophisticated than we ever imagined. That little 15-month-old or 17-month-old is watching like a hawk what goes on between her mother and older sibling. And the greater the difference in the maternal affection and attention, the more hostility and conflict between the siblings." --- Judy Dunn

I would add that you should be aware of the roles that you have taken on, especially within the family. No matter what the role, whether it is constructive on not, you should be aware of the way in which your actions within the role contribute to the healthy functioning of the family. For instance, you might feel hurt that you now have become the caregiver for your parents, while it seems like your siblings do not lend a hand. It may appear that they don't care and have their own roles, lives and duties to fulfill.

If you can find an honest and direct way to talk with your siblings, you may discover that they may feel like you have stepped in and chosen to do everything without giving them a voice. They may feel trapped and helpless, perhaps reliving dependent role from childhood. Unless you find a way to honestly discuss the dynamics of any family situation, then you may find yourself stuck within a particular family pattern. However, in some cases you must first work on feeling safe, before you can have a conversation.

Within Numerology you may wish to review your own Core Numbers, to see where potential conflicts with others may arise. It might not be possible to have a full discussion with your siblings about these important numbers, but you can look for, and be aware of, your own trigger points. By knowing what can set you off, you can choose to be in relationship with your siblings in a way that is healthy and constructive, rather than allowing yourself to become embroiled in disputes and arguments.

You may also wish to review your Personal Year. For instance, It might be helpful to understand that in a Personal Year of 9, that your relationships might change. If you're ready and willing to accept this, then you might be able to help your relationships change for the better. It's about being more aware of yourself, and trying to live your life in a conscious and aware manner, rather than hoping that everything will simply fall into the right place.

You may also wish to read and review the archetype work of someone like Carolyn Myss. She helps to clearly define many different archetypes in which we can find ourselves embodied within. As you begin to discover the archetypes which you typically embody you may begin to recognize why certain relationships unfolded the way the did in your family. For instance, you may typically be embodied within the archetype of the "rebel" in your family, and this may lead to situations in which you would automatically be blamed for any trouble that occurred.

Warrior Archetype

“The warrior's approach is to say "yes" to life: "yea" to it all.”  --- Joseph Campbell

As we are celebrating Memorial Day, I would like to look at the Warrior archetype on an inner, reflective and personal level. Archetypes can provide a glimpse into human motivation. This post is not about tearing down or labeling anyone, but about trying to look at how we can constructively work with the Warrior archetype on a symbolic level within ourselves. This may help us to see what drives and motivates us on a deeper psychological level.

If we are willing to look inside ourselves. we can find the underlying symbolic and spiritual message that is embodied in the archetype of the Warrior. It is hoped that with desire, compassion, self-acceptance and courage, you can begin to make different choices around the way in which you normally interact with the people in your life, especially when you come to see how the archetypes that you embody, including the Warrior, help or enable you to interact with others.

Where is the Warrior within you? We all have the ability to connect with the Warrior aspect of ourselves. We are all involved in certain roles, such as Mother, Father, Child, Sister or Brother. As we mature we take on other roles, such as Doctor, Mechanic, Engineer, Teacher, Mentor or Warrior. These roles can be considered archetypes, as you are not necessarily just a Doctor, but also are involved within the story of being a doctor. The important concept to understand about your personal story, is that by including the archetype in your life, it is trying to tell us something about ourselves.

All archetypes have potential, with the ability to manifest in your life in both constructive and destructive ways. When does the Warrior show up in your life? As children the Warrior may show itself when we bully other children. Later in life, the Warrior may serve as powerful weapon for the business leader.  In some cases the Warrior may help us to successfully navigate through difficult or challenging situations. In other cases we may use the Warrior to restrict or hurt others.

According to Carl Jung, the Warrior archetype would typically show up when all seems lost. That is when the Warrior strides in and conquers the villain or slays the dragon. The Warrior is proud and courageous. He stands up for what is honorable and right. At times he may see everything as black and white, and this may lead him to label others as “Friend” or “Enemy”. Part of the goal when working with the Warrior archetype is to know when you are looking at the world purely through the eyes of the Warrior. When this happens, you can get caught within the story of the Warrior. When you are able to take a step back, you’re better able to see the big picture and work with the energy of the Warrior in a constructive and healthy manner.

How do you typically work with the Warrior energy? How does the imagery surrounding the Warrior make you feel? Recognizing the potential of those archetypes that you typically embody is an important first step in learning to work with the potential that they represent. Learning about and working with those archetypes that are both absent and present within your life may help you to more clearly see the roles that you are playing in your life.

Over time and with a little patience you may begin to have more awareness of the archetypes which you typically embody. Gradually you will begin to have more passion and consciousness for the “story” that you are currently in. Common personal themes, involving the your archetypes, may become more apparent as you begin to work with and learn about the archetypes. You'll then be better able to make conscious choice about when to utilize certain archetypes in your life.

Questions to ask to learn more about your “Warrior” within:

• Where do I bring out the Warrior within me?
• Where do I fight the Warrior within me?
• Where do I let others control me?
• How can the Warrior help me to deal with difficult people?
• Where do I control others?
• Where am I passionate?
• What causes do I believe in?
• Where do I say “yes”?
• How can the Warrior help you to be more effective within your family, career, or community?
• How can the Warrior help you to inspire and motivate others?

Learning about ourselves through archetypes

Understanding the message that is embodied within particular stories can be a way to learn more about yourself. In order to understand the underlying meaning of a story, fairy tale or myth it’s important to understand what an archetype is, and what is trying to be conveyed by the use of it within the story. In a very basic sense, an archetype is a character type, such as a Mother, that will show up, conveying the same theme, in story, literature and movies over and over again. The time period doesn’t matter, as a Mother is a Mother in the 1700’s or the 2000’s.

Now, there are good and bad mothers in stories. Of course, fairy tales like Cinderella have the archetype of the bad mother, while other stories have the good mother. However, Cinderella also has the “fairy godmother” as the good “mother”, as Cinderella is really only able to get to the ball with the magical help of her fairy godmother.

Consider that we all have mothers. As we all have mothers, the mother archetype will have a certain resonance for us all. When we think of our mothers, we’re inevitably drawn to memories of our childhoods. The feelings that can come up around these memories can be powerful, and that is why so many stories have a central, and archetypal, character that represents Mother. Often, in fairy tales the mother is the evil Queen, who must be defeated.

The important concept to understand is that the story, by including the archetype, is trying to tell us something about ourselves. Take a moment to consider that the problems that Cinderella faces, are really problems that we face today. We all have had people in our lives that seem to prevent us from doing what we want. Many people, especially as children, feel trapped and isolated and try to find ways to help themselves to escape and get away.

However dismal the story of Cinderella may seem, it does contain seeds of hope. Cinderella does find her man. They do live happily ever after. And, even after having to deal with a difficult step-mother and two evil sisters, she manages to believe in herself and find the life that she wants. She escapes from a problematic childhood, and becomes an adult.

Understanding and learning about the archetypes that are present in your life, may help you to more clearly see the roles that you are playing in your life, and the “story” that you are currently in. With compassion, self-acceptance and courage, you can begin to make different choices around the way in which you normally interact with the people in your life, especially when you come to see how the archetypes they embody cause you to be triggered in some way.

Tarot and archetypes

You may wish to learn about all the different, and powerfully capable, parts of yourself through the archetypes represented in life and within the Tarot. Each card represents a particular archetype. For instance, the Fool represents the trickster within all of us.

One way to begin tapping into and understanding the archetype happens when you feel like you are in a challenging or new situation. When in a situation that you may not have an immediate solution for, try to shift into the part of yourself that does have the capability to overcome or work with the opportunities and challenged that are in your life. Psychologically speaking, these parts of yourself could be considered "archetypes"

To connect with, and learn about, your primary archetypes is to look to fantasy, fables, and myths as these stories usually incorporate parts of the hero's journey into the story. The Hero’s Journey provides a mythological basis for looking at your life from a new and whole, healing and healthy inner/outer perspective. It can be amazing to come to terms with where you "are" on your own path. Coming to terms with your journey, will help you to become aware of the roles that you are playing in your life. This process allows you to glimpse your life on a grand scale, from childhood to adulthood and maturity.
 
As you learn about your own mythic story, you can begin to bring import objects and symbols into your life that can help you to progress along your path. For instance, in order to begin to "find your way" you might begin to decorate your home with celestial maps or old nautical navigation tools like sextants. You could also begin to use tools like voice dialogue, movement, guided imagery, art process, discussion and journaling, to help you to foster and develop a deeper understanding and appreciation for and access to the for your true self and the wonderful treasure that is secretly hidden deep within the powerful and beautiful mystery of you. It is about uncovering the real vibrant you.